


Breaking On Through (to the Other Side)

by sadpendragon



Series: Ice Queens [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Curse Breaking, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Love Potion/Spell, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26046988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadpendragon/pseuds/sadpendragon
Summary: Princess Vivian is being forced to aligning herself with the wicked Lady Morgana. But underneath the rude and bland princess the lady had met years ago, hid a cunning and smart mind. The blond princess had a plan of her own. Still under a love spell, she was hell-bent on double crossing Lady Morgana and reuniting with her one true love...
Relationships: Morgana/Vivian (Merlin)
Series: Ice Queens [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092410
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12
Collections: Merlin Rarepair Hub





	Breaking On Through (to the Other Side)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after season 4 and before season 5. I wasn't sure if I should tag it as "dark" or "ooc" as not much of Vivian was shown in the show anyways. There is a short mention of blood, but I didn't feel it was enough to tag this with "graphic depictions of violence".
> 
> I really really enjoyed writing this random asf fic, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Title from a song from The doors)
> 
> Not beta'd.

**1.**

Eyes set on the horizon, Vivian was waiting on the steps of King Olaf’s castle. The blond princess didn’t see it as her castle, not yet. It didn’t quite feel like home to her, not as long as her father was hovering over her. This was her cage, not her home. But today she was welcoming a guest at the castle, and her father was nowhere in sight. Coward. Vivian had ample time to think and get her thoughts straight ever since she had to leave her true love behind. Her mind was still overflowing with the idea of Arthur, but the distance had forced her to continue on with her life. Though Vivian had not lost hope to reunite with her love. 

The bastard princess, Lady Morgana, was at war with Camelot. The self proclaimed and false queen had sought out her father’s alliance to have a stronghold to amass troops and allies and wait for Camelot’s weakness (whatever that meant). Although to say she had seeked out an alliance with them was sugar coating it, she had threatened to send a magic plague onto them. Her father, the coward, had accepted her, going against his alliance with Camelot out of fear. Vivian doubted the wicked lady had such powers, otherwise, why would she not unleash the plague onto Camelot. But she could understand that the bastard princess needed an army first, and as her father lacked the guts, Vivian had set about constructing a plan. The princess would play nice with the wicked lady; then when she was ready to march against her true love, Vivian would join, betray the bastard princess, and reunite with Arthur. The Queen Guinevere would simply have to be a casualty of war.

The bastard princess came in shades of black; her clothing and her few men, all contrasting the small white creature at her side. “Welcome to our beautiful Northern kingdom, my lady. I hope you and your beast will find it to your liking. We’ve certainly had more gruesome guests.”

The wicked lady showed no sign of amusement. “I didn’t expect a royal welcome. Princess Vivian, even when you’re trying to be diplomatic, you’re not doing so well.”

“Now, my lady, diplomacy is for nobility and royalty. I’d say a child of a cheating king and harlot scarcely fits the picture.”

Morgana was on her in a second, her pale hand constricted in a gripping motion, which Vivian could feel taking the breath away from her, whilst not even touching her skin. Vivian’s feet were off the ground and she was starting to feel dizzy. Maybe she had gone a tad too far, but it had all been part of her plan. There was no reason for the rude princess, that the Lady Morgana had once met in Camelot, to suddenly be overly friendly when crossing paths again. Vivian cursed internally as her head started spinning and her vision turned black.

“My lady please! She’s my only daughter!” her father’s voice came boasting as he rushed down the steps. _Took him long enough._ “I beg of you,” he pleaded, like the weak king he truly was. Then, _finally_ , his voice hardened, “If you kill my daughter Lady Morgana, magic plagues be damned! She is my most precious possession! My knights will march on you right now!”

Vivian took a deep breath in as the hold on her was released and she fell back onto the steps below her. _Possession_ , he had called her, she wanted to vomit. Even though she already felt better, she took three extra long breaths, calming her nerves, thinking of how Arthur would see her as a hero when she brought down his bastard sister. Vivian could already imagine the wedding, the future, the children,... she shook her head out of the new daze she had put herself in—she had to do that a lot these days, her love was simply too strong it sometimes made her mind foggy. That would stop once reunited. Vivian blocked out her father’s hand massaging her back, in what he thought was a calming motion, and looked up at the Lady Morgana with a hurt but defiant expression. Let her think she was hurt, but let her also know she was not the one to play it easy...

* * *

The bastard princess had been with them for a week now. Tonight, her father and her were dining together with the lady for the first time this week. The whole week the woman had dined alone in her rooms, like the pitiful person she was. Today, much to her father’s displeasure, she had insisted Lady Morgana joined them. _As a show of good faith to their alliance_ , she’d told the woman with a smirk, letting her know she had no good faith in her. The Lady Morgana had frowned but accepted, Vivian assumed she’d found out they served her lesser things than they ate in the dining room. Well, Vivian didn’t assume. Vivian let it slip how good the roasted beef had been, knowing full well that they had only served Morgana chicken or fish. They had a lot of fish here in the North, the blond princess didn’t have a taste for it and her father had special farmers in place to produce their beef, which was a rarity to breed here.

Tonight she would get the opportunity to extract more information out of the bastard princess. Vivian was steering the next step of her plan in motion. Her true love was worth going through a tedious dinner with her father and the wicked lady. The blond princess was used to acting and pretending after all.

After a long and awkward silence, accentuated by the scraping of utensils on plates, Vivian cleared her throat to announce that she was, most probably, going to say something that she’ll ‘ _regret’_. Though she knew better than that.

“You know, my lady, I think you should care more about the people you align yourself with.” Her father sent her a bewildered but warning look. She ignored it and smiled sweetly at the bastard princess.

The Lady Morgana scoffed. “Says the privileged, entitled princess. I remember clearly enough how rude you were in Camelot before deciding to be like any other bland lady and fawn over my dimwit brother. I don’t think women like you change.”

Her retort was fair enough, the blond princess wasn’t known to care for anybody else but herself. Vivian found it kind of thrilling that the wicked lady cared enough to throw this back in her face. It would be most dull, was the lady unresponsive to her stabs.

“Well, you’ve gone through quite a change I’d say,” she smiled sweetly. “I merely meant that you can’t expect people to fight and die for your cause, if they never see you. You’ve been hiding away in your cave doing Gods know what. Maybe me and my father could help you with strategies, ideas, anything. It’s our land after all, our army. My father is king and I've been brought up to care about affairs of state and war strategies. Probably more than you, _princess_ Morgana.” 

“Vivian.” Her father, flabbergasted, fixed her with a stern and worried look. Poor man didn’t know what to do with this new outspoken version of his rude but reserved daughter. “Be quiet, please,” he added quietly.

Morgana’s look was vibrant. The wicked lady looked simultaneously displeased and agitated. _Oh Vivian did enjoy this_ , gone were her days of dullness and boredom. Her plan was in motion.

“No, it’s alright,” Morgana said, ready to take the blond princess on with the same vicariousness. “Women should speak their minds. However bratty they are. Now, Princess Vivian, I have no delusions into why your father accepted my... _alliance_ ,” she smirked. “Why would I trust a king so fearful and why should I trust a princess, that when last met, was stupidly in love with my brother.”

“Well, my lady, there’s your answer. I was in love and got my heart broken. My father may be a coward, and I guess, I am the bland lady you think I am, because I want nothing more than to march to war to Camelot with you.”

The blond princess smiled at the bastard princess again. It was sickening how much she’d had to smile to put on her act, even if the smiles were laced with falseness, Vivian wasn’t used to it and she disliked it. The only time it had felt overwhelmingly good, was the uncontrollable smiles she had when she thought of her one true love...

Her father had stayed quiet but his demeanour had changed. He was displeased with the way both ladies were speaking, but still too afraid of the witch. It was quite amusing that her father had always been reluctant to confront Vivian; even when Arthur and her tried to unite their love, it was Arthur that got all his fury. Never Vivian, no. Vivian was a prized possession. She hoped he was starting to see how wrong he had been in the way he treated her.

“I’m not asking for you to trust me,” Vivian continued. “I certainly don’t trust you. I’m simply laying it out for you. I am a _princess_ , eager to march to Camelot and with more political upbringing than you. You lack political sense and you have no council, no actual allies. Do with that information as you wish.”

The blond princess thought herself quite clever. There had been no single lie uttered tonight. She wanted to march on Camelot, she wanted to give the lady council so they’d get there faster. The Lady Morgana was frowning, face tinged with red, but Vivian could see her mind was working. People would always gawk at the blond princess when she slipped and let something ‘smart’ come out of her mouth. Vivian wasn’t used to laying down her assets, only to sneering and blocking herself away from people and the world.

“Well,”—she stood up—“I'm quite full. If you will excuse me, father. Good night my lady.”

Vivian’s plan was in the works and it was going to unfold exactly as she wanted it. This was something she was good at, confident about. Vivian did not lose, because she did not put herself into situations she could not win. The blond princess smiled as she walked to her rooms. Let the war come, she was always quite fond of wars, at least it turned people far more interesting. 

**2.**

“Lady Morgana, you asked for me? Oh sorry,” she made a face as if she was affronted, “should I call you Princess Morgana now?” Vivian leered and Morgana did not look amused.

“Sit. You said I had no council so,”—she gestured her hands around the table—“counsel me.”

Vivian sat down opposite to Morgana and smiled smugly, _one step closer_. The bastard princess was sitting rather unceremoniously, casually draped over her chair, with one leg over the other. Her tight black dress left little to the imagination.

On her second day here, Vivian had thrown a flowy white dress her way “Here, so you don’t bring the castle down with your nasty somber appearance,” she’d said, her face laced with disgust; then a smug smile had appeared, as the bastard princess had frowned displeasingly.

The lady Morgana had yet to show herself in that dress, but then again she had been practically hiding before now. Vivian knew now what this look really meant, it was a mask, a cover, a shield, an _armour_. It made her look fearful, unknowable. But she could see it in the lady’s eyes, she was alone and afraid. Poor puppy had not truly mastered the skill of hiding her feelings away. It was an art that the blond princess excelled in. She could teach the false princess a thing or two, if she cared—which she didn’t. Though it had been hard again for her to block out her feelings after falling for Arthur, and then having to leave him. She’d sulked for a month before getting her head straight and remembering the importance of putting on a mask. She had also known it was going to be the only way she’d ever see her love again. If her father saw her in that madly in love state, he would have locked her away from Camelot forever. Unfortunately, there had been no new instances for them to go to Camelot again over the years, but Vivian had not lost hope. As hope was staring her down right now.

“So, what’s troubling you my lady?”

The lady Morgana hesitated before talking. “The druids are refusing to fight for me.”

 _For_ her, not _with_ her. Vivian smirked. “Well, they’re quite a pacifist bunch aren’t they. Boring if you’d ask me.”

Vivian snorted at her own remark then heard a most peculiar sound. There was a smile on Morgana’s lips. The lady had chuckled. Filling Vivian’s ears with an unusually sweet melody.

The blond princess cleared her throat. “I hear Arthur leaves them alone,” she shrugged, “maybe they simply do not hate him like you.”

Morgana’s mood instantly went back to the sour look Vivian was used to. “You seem quite knowledgeable about Camelot’s state of affairs, for someone who claims to hate Arthur.”

“I keep up with all the foreign kingdoms' good and bad gossip. One day it might be useful to me,” she smirked, “I keep trying to tell you, I’m not a simple dumb princess. So, the druids? Boring. What about random sorcerers?”

Morgana looked pensive, she wasn’t quite smiling but she wasn’t frowning anymore. “A lot of them have fled the land over the years. Those who haven’t are hard to track. Some seem to be afraid of me.”

“Well, I have heard you don’t always treat you allies...kindly. And quite a lot of them end up dead. Was it your _half_ sister, was it? I can imagine you lack in trust, if your own mother seemed to lack in the simple trait of loyalty.”

Morgana’s fist hit the table hard. “Why do you _insist_ on antagonising me,” she shouted.

Vivian giggled and it was quite natural this time. “You just bring out the fun in me. I can't help it! You’re an interesting creature Morgana, and I have been a very bored princess.”

Morgana scoffed. “You’re a menace. Let's get back to business. Allies, any suggestions?”

“Hmm it’s going to be hard finding people who don’t find you reckless and self-serving.”

“Excuse me? Are you trying to get a reaction out of me again, _princess_? I am not the problem. I try to bring back the old ways and this is how they treat me?!”

Vivian thought it was more about her getting power she thought she deserved, than bringing magic back to the poor magic community. But well, if Vivian had the opportunity to flee the cage she’d been put in, she’d rather think she’d do anything for it too. People be damned. _But remember Arthur_ , the mystical voice inside her head whispered. Morgana and her were not the same, Vivian was not alone, simply separated. Soon she’d be reunited with her love _and_ have the power of a queen. Morgana and her were not the same, because Vivian was going to win.

* * *

Two days later, the wicked lady and the blond princess had called all the knights to assemble in front of them, per the lady’s request. “I thought it’d be interesting to see how many men you have and how miserable they will prove to be. Before having an unpleasant surprise on the battlefield.”

“Well well, my lady. I dare say it’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say since you’ve been here.”

The lady merely scoffed and didn’t deign her with an answer. When all the knights were gathered, the lady’s eyes narrowed. It was true that they did not have the most impressive army, certainly not as big as Camelot’s legendary force.

“When we have the need for it,” Vivian said, “We call out to our people. The peasants here are brutes and a force of their own. They jump on the opportunity to fight for glory and their kingdom. I gather it’s because it gets quite cold in the North. All their fat and whores don’t seem to be enough to warm their primal hearts.” Vivian smirked. “But the reality is, even with them, we do not have the troops to rival Camelot.”

The lady scoffed. “Camelot’s only asset is that they’re reckless enough to die for each other. Pathetic.”

“Hmm, well it might be an asset but it is also a weakness,” Vivian smirked.

“Elaborate princess.”

“I hear they do enjoy their new queen. Kind, just, _beautiful_ ,” she hadn’t been able to stop the bitterness laced in her words. “I wonder how they would fare if something was to happen to her.”

The wicked lady smirked. “Hurt the queen, make them heedless. Smart, but she is not so easily dealt with.”

“Hmm, I heard about the affair. I assumed it was you, with how utterly foolish that plan was.”

There was an exasperated sound as the lady turned to face her. “Princess Vivian, I might not be able to kill you, but I will cut your tongue out if you insist on infuriating me.”

Vivian smiled sweetly. “But then there’ll be no one left to entertain you, my lady. Come on, I know how it is to be bored and alone, I’m sure I’m a breath of fresh air to you.”

The wicked lady rolled her eyes. “Well, you’re certainly not boring.”

The blond princess giggled. “I’ll make you like me, mark my words! Now, how about a friendly spar?”

It was truly a sight to behold how the lady’s eyes almost bulged out of their socket. “ _You_ can fight?”

“Pssht, I’m a Northern woman of an Icy kingdom, with a warrior father. Of course I can fight.” Vivian giggled. “Look around you Morgana, don’t you see something peculiar in these troops. Come on, we’re a small kingdom. Even this small army would be too big for us. Look, _really look_.”

You could pinpoint the moment the lady realised there were not only men in armour in front of her. In the North, women fought, because why on earth not? During the Camelot treaty they had only taken men, to not upset fragile southern sensibilities.

“Impressive.”

“A kingdom after your own heart I dare say,” Vivian smiled. “How about that spar?” Vivian enjoyed watching fights and fighting, and she was eager to see how good this bastard princess really was. _The blond princess was not disappointed..._

* * *

A month later, Vivian had summoned Morgana to meet at the stables. She felt excitement at the sight of the frowning dark haired woman approaching. The princess had come to learn that the lady was _not_ a morning person, so of course it was most thrilling to engage with her in the mornings.

Vivian smiled sweetly at the dark approaching figure. “There is a man at port that wants to meet with us. Says he can get us weapons and maybe some warriors to come down from up in Norway. They have the _best_ weapons there,” Vivian proclaimed excitingly. “And I dare say their warriors are far more savage than ours!”

“Norway? Why would they aid us?”

“Well, they wouldn’t simply aid _you_.” Vivian snorted. “But my father’s cousin is King of Norway. We’ve got many family ties there. I wrote a most convincing bunch of letters to them all. I just needed someone to operate the sea for us.”

Morgana regarded her pensively. “And you did all of this on your own incentive? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried inviting you to my chambers that night but alas you turned me down quite rudely,” she made a show of feeling hurt. “So I thought I’d surprise you instead!”

The wicked lady rolled her eyes. “Stop jesting me. Let’s go meet him then.”

As they saddled their horses, they made quite the picture; Morgana dressed in a black cloak on her black stallion and Vivian on her white mare had a light blue cloak on. The wicked lady was still wearing her black _armour_. The blond princess had a different kind of armour, a smarter kind. Let them see her as a fragile being, they would be most disappointed when challenging her. It took a few hours to arrive at port, the Lady Morgana was hard to engage in conversation but the princess tried her wicked best.

“ _Come oooon_. You must do something for fun.”

“I’m not a child.” Morgana scoffed. “What could you possibly do _for fun_ here?”

 _Plotting the day she’ll be free_. “I read, I write, I watch people battle and sometimes join in. Now you.”

Morgana put on a wicked smile. “I _kill_ for fun.”

Vivian snorted. “Well you haven’t been having much fun then. Maybe you should take up embroidery.”

The lady rolled her eyes but chuckled lightly. Soon they arrived at port, you could tell they had arrived in town by the look of disgust on Morgana’s face. Vivian chuckled at the sight. The princess was used to it now, the beautiful foul smell of a fisher town. Her mother used to bring her here all the time when she was little, and she’d loved it. Though it may have contributed to her distaste for fish. For a moment, gazing at the profile of the dark haired lady, Vivian wondered what Morgana’s mother was _really_ like, and if the bitter lady had fond memories of the two of them like she did with her own mother. The princess may have used the mention of the lady’s mother as a jab, she actually found it quite admirable of a woman to make her own choices. It was because she was foolishly lost in thought, that she did not see the blade coming before it was too late…

The princess found herself on the ground, as her mare had been struck. There was a man leering over her, sneering. 

Vivian groaned. “You idiot...peace of _shit_!” She stood up swiftly, dislodging the dagger under her dress and slicing the man’s throat in one movement. The man’s face was frozen in shock as his hands went to his throat. Blood splattered everywhere, before he finally fell, dead.

The princess, angry, and coated in red, turned around to see Morgana off her horse and staring at her. There were two men on the ground next to her. Morgana’s eyebrow rose up. “Impressive, little princess.”

Vivian rolled her eyes. “You’ve fought me before.” The princess pulled her hood off and looked around. There were murmurs of _it’s the princess_ , sounding all around her. Most likely the bandits that attacked them in the middle of a village wrongly thought they were foreigners. Northern people didn’t care for foreigners, she wasn’t surprised nobody had bulged to aid them.

The princess looked down at the horse and groaned. It’s breathing came out ragged, he was done for. Without Vivian comprehending what had happened, the mare’s neck snapped, Vivian’s head came up at just the right time to see the gold of Morgana’s eyes dimmer.

The princess smiled sweetly. “It seems I find myself without a horse. Will you let me ride with you like the saved damsel I am,” she said dramatically.

The Lady Morgana rolled her eyes, but they both got on her black stallion. “You know, you could’ve just asked for a new horse in town, you’re a princess.”

Vivian hummed and draped herself snugly on Morgana back. “Yes, but this is much more comfortable.” The Lady Morgana chuckled and they rode on to their meeting.

* * *

The next two months her and Morgana worked together to find more allies. Well, allies was a big word. They collected some mercenaries and bandits, from here to the land of Ismere. A bunch of brutes that were in dire need of some good leading. There was the odd angry druid or sorcerer, but none of them held the kind of power the wicked lady did. Vivian had learned that kind of power was a scarcity these days. In these two months the white dragon the lady had dragged along, had gotten bigger. It’s head reached her belly like a big gray wolf now. It had big blue globes for eyes and maybe Vivian could understand the appeal. Apart from council meetings, Morgana’s only real company was the dragon.

“It must be quite lonely for you,” the blond princess said one evening, as they shared a glass of wine after a council meeting. “It seems your only friend is this little white beast.” Vivian was in the same predicament, except her only friend was the thought of her love and her coming independence. Though she had immensely enjoyed pestering the wicked lady these last months. The woman always fought back, it was thrilling.

“One with a quest like mine doesn’t have time for friendships.”

“What about love?” Vivian didn’t know what possessed her to say that. But her and Morgana’s eyes locked and suddenly she was curious about the other woman in different ways she had been these past months. “You don’t have time for that? Or have you given up on it?”

“I’ve learned that love only brings pain and suffering. And men are pigs, why should I want their affection.”

Vivian snorted. “Well, can’t argue with that. Men are awful and women are fake. The world is a superficial and dull place. People either selfishly look for power and glory, it makes me sick.”

Before Arthur, Vivian didn’t care for people in general, they had shown their true colours often enough and disappointed her. Her own father only saw her as a price to be protected. The blond princess had long ago turned her back on the world. It was better to rely on yourself. Maybe she could understand the bastard princess in some sense. Her pursuit for power was despicable, but the lady was also trying to live in a world where she was able to make the rules. _Where she would only need to rely on herself._

The lady was looking at her strangely. “Do you agree then, love is a waste of time?”

 _Arthur deserves all your time_ , that sweet woozy voice inside whispered. “Yes,” Vivian said. Remembering her old beliefs wasn’t hard, she still stood by them, only Arthur was the exception now. “Love is weakness. Rely only on yourself.”

Morgana smiled and Vivian felt a little dizzy with feelings she had long forgotten the meaning of...

**3.**

The season of heavy snow was upon them. Vivian knocked on the Lady Morgana’s door, the woman opened dressed in only a night dress.

“First snows!”

Morgana’s eyebrow rose up. Her eyes looked Vivian—who was wearing a cream fur coat—up and down. “And that concerns me why?”

Vivian rolled her eyes at the lack of enthusiasm. “Breakfast with father was tedious and I want to see how well your little beast blends in with the snow.”

“You can’t be serious. I don’t have time for this.”

Vivian snorted. “Oh busy brooding in your chambers are you? Come on, that dragon of yours doesn’t nearly get enough sunlight, and we can discuss our route plans while we get fresh air.”

After a short stare down, the dark haired woman groaned and turned back around. “Fine, can I at least get dressed?” Vivian smiled in triumph. The white dragon pushed past Morgana out the door. “You can go with Aithusa, I’ll be out in a minute.” The door closed and the blond princess found herself looking down at eyes that seemed to hold the sky in them.

“Um… Ok.”

Vivian started walking and the dragon followed her. She always saw the white dragon by Morgana’s side, silent, small, but radiating a noticeable presence. But she had never been alone with it. They reached the castle doors and the guards opened them, turning her vision from a dusty brown to a blinding white. Before she could understand what was happening, the beast had ran from behind her right into the snow. It was barely 50 centimeters thick, but it was enough for the dragon to jump and roll in it. If Vivian ever would have to find something _adorable_. It was this.

“You were right,” Morgana—now adorned by a brown fur coat—appeared next to her, a gentle smile on her face. The lady had been here for almost a year now, but Vivian still found herself amazed when she saw a shadow of a smile on the woman’s lips. It was a most intriguing sight.

They descended synchronously from the steps into the snow . The blonde princess was about to ask her what plans she had for today, when a scoop of snow landed on Vivian’s face and neck. Her mouth fell open, but barely a sound came out as she felt frozen all over. When turning to look at the culprit, the white dragon had laid itself almost flat into the snow, like it was trying to hide from her.

“You…little... _shit_!” Vivian laughed. The snow had melted and reached her breast and her breathing felt icy and uncomfortable, but she couldn’t help _laughing_. Vivian could not remember the last time she’d genuinely laughed. Morgana was looking at her, a playful grin replacing her usual vile smirk. Before Vivian could stop shaking to think of a retort to throw Morgana’s way, the dragon had launched itself onto the lady, taking her down into the snow with them. Morgana screeched and then a sound that got Vivian truly frozen ringed in her ears. Morgana’s laugh ringed across the whole courtyard. It was the kind of full belly laugh, the kind that made your stomach ache after a while. For a moment the blond princess let herself forget what she was planning with the dark haired woman, as she joined in the laughter, she felt more alive then she had ever felt in her dull caged life...

* * *

That same afternoon, after having taken a hot bath, Vivian joined Morgana in her rooms to discuss their plans. The dark haired woman was wearing one of the dresses Vivian had kept throwing her way. A deep green dress that accentuated her smooth and pale skin. It fitted her so much better than her black armour…

Morgana was asking a lot of questions today and the princess chuckled. “It is truly a wonder, how you were able to make it this far on your own.”

Only a few months ago Morgana would have frowned, annoyed. Now she merely rolled her eyes playfully. It was strange, Vivan could not remember the moment Morgana’s constant fearful, agitated and bitter eyes had smoothed over...

“Not to say you’re right. But I’m somewhat glad I didn’t kill you.”

“Gee thanks Morgana,” she snorted.

Morgana got a serious look on her face. “You know… The only reason I did not simply kill you and your father, was because I saw how fiercely loyal your people were to you. I had no real army and no claim to this kingdom. If I had tried to take it by force, I would have had a whole army fighting me, never mind that their leaders were dead. It’s quite admirable actually. I only chose your kingdom because it was far North, and King Olaf may be a threat on the battlefield but I knew he’d be weak if I threatened his people. And his daughter.”

The Lady Morgana was insinuating that she had always planned to attack her, _interesting_. “Hmm. Well, the people aren’t loyal to me, not really. They are to my father, they will only truly be mine once he’s dead.”

Morgana’s eyebrow rose and she smirked gently. “You plan on being queen then? Will you rule alone?”

“Of course, I can only truly trust myself after all.” For a moment there, she believed this, and had almost forgotten about Arthur. But her love for him kept poking at the back of her brain.

Morgana smiled, closed her eyes and laid her head more comfortable on the back of her chair. The expense of her pale withe skin was all that Vivian could see. “Smart girl,” the lady said softly.

Vivian cleared her throat and laid her hands on the maps in front of her. “Let’s go over this route again, shall we?”

Morgana’s head came back up—and void of distraction—the princess started discussing the planned route they were going to take to attack Camelot. It was almost that time. Soon she would be reunited with her _true love_ , and all this pretending and conflicting feelings would stop.

After ample discussion and corrections, the Lady Morgana smiled and agreed to the route, meaning that war preparations were going to start as soon as tomorrow. Vivian knew that the route they had chosen was prone to snow storms this time of year. The blond princess had set her plan in motion, she had hired someone to bomb the snowed hill on their route at the right moment. Vivian herself would be riding in the back, when the snow engulfed the army, she would use the distraction to send her message to Camelot. To warn Arthur of the coming army. The mercenaries were also at her mercy, she’d promise them more gold than they could count to turn on Morgana once they were close enough to Camelot. The knights foolish enough after the massacre, to still be loyal to Morgana, would suffer from that decision. It would be hard, Vivian had seen during the knights practices and spars they had done together, that the warriors appreciated Morgana’s skill and love for the blade. When the coup happens, Morgana and her leftovers would find themselves surrounded. Powerful magic or not, even she could not take on two armies. It would be a massacre...

Vivian’s mind was reeling, she felt dizzy and her throat closed up. “Maybe we should...wait,” was what came out of her mouth. Her mind was betraying her, the mystical voice inside her head was screaming at her and her heart was beating so hard she could barely breathe. 

Morgan frowned. “Why on earth?” she looked at Vivian strangely, but Vivian was feeling too much at once and she could not react. “Yesterday you were jumping with excitement at the thought of _finally_ being close enough to go. And now you’re telling me to wait?”

Vivian’s mind had betrayed her and taken her plan one step back. The princess told the lady that she was simply feeling nerves, nothing more. Nevermind that Vivian had not shown any nerves toward Morgana at all in all the months they’d spend together. Morgana’s eyes were narrowed and the mistrust was palpable. The dark haired woman told her to leave and the princess bid her good evening, yearning to lay her head down. Though maybe crushing it would work better.

* * *

In the following weeks, the preparations for their departure was growing. Vivian thought she’d found a new approach to stall Morgana in her plan. Which really, her mind was telling her not to do, but she couldn’t stop. It had been hard to get Morgana alone and talking for more than a minute. She found the princess on a balcony overseeing the royal garden. The white dragon was playing in the snow below.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Vivian started. “How are we to plan a coordinated attack if we're constantly using intermediaries!”

Morgana didn’t move nor bulge from her spot. “Leave me.”

Vivian stubbornly went to stand right in front of the woman. Morgana’s face was stoic, void of softness or anger. “What’s wrong, what's troubling you?”

A bitter chuckle escaped the lady’s lips. “I guess I took your advice.”

Well, that was good news. Although it didn’t feel like it. “You’re waiting to attack?”

“Yes. I’ve found a story about a legendary key of knowledge. Which seems to be somewhere in Ismere. It’s close, and well, I think I should be relying on surer things, like magic.”

“As opposed to relying on me?”

Morgana’s smirk felt detached. “Well princess, you told me yourself to not trust you.”

Vivian shook her head, it was hurting again. “I’m sorry if I’ve been confusing these last weeks, ok? I hope you'll consider my council for your new journey.”

“I won’t need you. I’ll be taking your father prisoner and going to the Fortress of Ismere with the troops. You can stay here, all alone, just like you like it princess.”

“What? No! Wait a minute—”

She took hold of Morgana's hands but the woman ripped them out of her grip. “I don’t know what game you've been playing little princess! But I know you’re up to something, I should only ever have trusted myself,” she shouted.

Vivian’s eyes started to well up. The blond princess had not cried since she was 10 and her mother had died, leaving her in the clutches of a man that saw her as nothing more but a copied statue of his lost love.

“Morgana you’re being reckless,” she sniffed her running nose and tried masking her piteous state by a chuckle, “I keep telling you, that’s your Achilles’ heel silly. Come on, let’s go sit down and talk about this.”

Vivian tried gripping Morgana’s hands again and she was pushed a few meters away by an invisible blow. She staggered as Morgana started screaming. “Argh! Why are you so damn confusing! Would it kill you to be _real_ for once in your life!” The woman’s breath was coming in short. “ _What do you want from me_ ,” she screeched. The anguish in that sound pulled at Vivian’s heart.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”

Morgana’s shoulders slumped and Vivian took a chance to step closer again. Her mind was holding contradicting thoughts. Telling her to betray Morgana to reunite with her love. But also telling her to not betray the only friend she’d had since, well, forever. That’s when she truly realised, she had started to care for the wicked lady… The isolated princess had forgotten what that felt like. The dark haired woman was entertaining and seemed to genuinely accept Vivian for who she was, never mind her falsehood.

“I think you deserve to be happy, Morgana. And I’m afraid you’re on a path of self destruction.”

Morgana let out an exasperated breath. “And what, pray tell, is the right path?”

The princess' mind was reeling and her heart was going wild. _Think of Arthur, think of Arthur, think of Arthur..._ Think of your love.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Maybe neither of us is meant for happiness.”

“Maybe we should stop telling ourselves that! Take off the armour, Morgana, what’s left inside?”

Morgana took a deep breath in, then out. Then, as quick as Aithusa’s flight, the lady’s hands were enveloping her face and her icy lips were touching, _warming_ , hers. It was a hard kiss, their teeth knocking against each other. _Think of Arth_ —Vivian deepened the kiss. Letting her tongue slide past her lady’s lips, her mind felt clearer than it had in ages.

Vivian blinked as Morgana’s lips and hands left her. There was a split moment where she forgot where she was and what she had been doing before kissing her love. Then the fog cleared once more and Vivian frowned.

“It doesn't make any sense,” she whispered.

Morgana gulped and took a step away from her. “I’ll leave you then.”

“What? No! Not that, that is perfectly clear to me. You’re a better kisser than you are a strategist darling,” she smirked.

Morgana chuckled that sweet sweet sound of hers and Vivian rushed to kiss her again. This time it was soft and lingering. Their eyes stayed close and their foreheads rested on each other as they breathed in the warm air between their lips.

“What didn’t make sense?” Morgana said softly against her lips.

“Just… Something I've been doing, _thinking_. No matter now.” Vivian took Morgana’s hands in hers firmly. “Stay with me.”

The dark haired woman chuckled. “We’ll march to Camelot together. Kill Arthur and—

“I don’t give a damn about Arthur.” Both their eyes opened and they stared at each other. “Stay with me, _here_. What’s waiting for you in Camelot? You’re going to kill Arthur, his queen, and then what? You think it’ll quench the pain in your heart?”

Morgana had detached herself from Vivian and taken a step back. “It’s my birthright.”

“But what’s in Camelot that you can't have here? Camelot was never good enough for you, it didn’t deserve you. Look at the men and women you’ve been fighting with this year, love. Tell me you wouldn’t rather have them then those feeble hearted knights and people of Camelot.”

“What are you really proposing here Viv?”

Vivian smiled smugly. “They only praised my father because he was a beast on the battlefield, but he is a weak king. We are stronger, smarter than him. They’ve seen our strength, they will bend the knee to us. We’ll be the Ice Queens of the North, feared and revered by all.”

Vivian’s hand was outstretched to Morgana. There was a moment where she feared Morgana’s misplaced pursuit for power would take over. But then, the wicked lady smiled, placed her hand in hers and the blond princess could feel the bars of the cage she’d been in her whole life melt away.


End file.
